One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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