If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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