so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
