i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize