I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
