Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
