; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
