Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
