i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
