Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
