Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize