dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
