Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just gift wrapped bread.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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