Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.

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(937): View more from Ohio

She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy

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(207): View more from Maine

We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.

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(314): View more from Missouri

You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.

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(330): View more from Ohio

He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed

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(530): View more from California

they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(

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(646): View more from New York

Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name

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(210): View more from Texas

Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?

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(+61): View more from Australia

I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated

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