I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
