Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
