All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
