The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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