Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
3 2 1 whiskey
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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