The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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