Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
