a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
