I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i out mim tonsoeep
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