He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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