I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's shark week go big or go home
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
