I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
