i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
