My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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