Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the day after is always just damage control
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
