if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
