Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
