look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
