We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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