it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
