i think my tv is drunk
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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