you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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