the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
