the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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