I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We had to coat check the pizza.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
