He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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