Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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