There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
