Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
