you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
