Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
this will be a night to untag.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
