I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
