Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
