i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
