I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
