She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize