When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize