chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
