The best revenge is premature balding
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
