Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
