They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
