Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
