I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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