You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
