she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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