Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
