I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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