It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
