your parents love me but you hate me
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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