I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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