Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
