guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
