I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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