I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
