tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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