someone get that fucking seahorse.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
