Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
