he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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