D3 body, D1 cock
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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